Vin didn’t even bother with a saddle, just bridled Peso, grabbed a lit lantern and took off in the direction Jimmy indicated. By the time the others were saddled and mounted, Vin was a fair distance ahead of them, just the light of the lantern bobbing in the distance. Catching up to him, they watched in some awe as the tracker worked. He was bent so low over Peso’s neck as to be practically indistinguishable from the horse, the lantern swinging low along the ground. What surprised them was how well-behaved the normally fractious gelding was. Under normal circumstances, he would have tried to dump Vin off three or four times already. Instead he moved calmly along, obeying every command as if he sensed his master’s urgent need.
In a sudden movement, Vin slid off Peso, dropping to the ground in a crouch to study the tracks closer. Fingers ghosted over the hoof prints studying the length between them, their deepness. He lifted those fingers to look at them, rubbing them together to get the texture of what it was they’d encountered. He hissed out one word, "Shit."
"What is it, Vin? Chaucer’s droppings?" JD asked, misinterpreting the tracker’s curse.
"No," he said curtly, rising to his feet and swinging back onto Peso. "He’s slowing down and...and he’s bleeding. Badly."
He locked gazes with Nathan, his normally gentle blue eyes hard as granite making Nathan shiver. Then he was bent low again tracking his friend and brother. Nearly an hour had passed since they left town when the sound of a horse whickering came out of the darkness. A moment later they found Chaucer standing over Ezra’s still form.
Vin was on his feet in an instant, kneeling by Ezra’s side in the next. He gathered the Southerner in his arms, taking in the bare feet, loose pants and oversized jacket that belonged to Nathan. He knew instinctively that Ezra hadn’t intended to survive his night ride. Vin glared at Nathan warning him to stay back for the moment.
"Ezra? C’mon, Ez, time ta wake up," Vin said, his voice soft as he tried to rouse him. It took a few tries before he stirred, blinking owlishly up at Vin.
"Vin? What...I have to go, Vin. I can’t stay. Let me go, please."
"No, Ezra. I ain’t lettin’ ya go."
"Please?"
"No."
It tore at the men’s hearts to see the Southerner beg so brokenly to be released from an emotional pain so strong it was palpable.
"You have to stay, Ez. Work things out with Nathan."
Nathan started a little, surprised that Vin was trying to help bring them back together. Ezra’s next words made him wince.
"He doesn’t want me, Vin. I’m not good enough. I’m never good enough." He paused taking a deep breath before refocusing his fever-bright gaze on Vin’s face, his voice earnest, "You are good enough, Vin. You can’t keep hiding it anymore. You have to tell him. You have to tell Chris how you feel, Vin. At least one of us deserves a happy ending."
"So do you, Ezra," Nathan said, kneeling beside the pair, sighing when Ezra pulled away from him. "I’m so sorry, Ezra. I never should have said what I did. I should have listened to what you had to say. You are good enough. You’re more than I deserve. Please forgive me?"
"Forgiving you is easy. Fixing something that’s broken isn’t. I’m broken, Nathan. Can’t be fixed. Shoulda just left me alone. Just let me go."
"No!" JD burst out as he dropped to the ground next to Nathan, grabbing Ezra’s hand. "No, we’re not gonna let you alone to die. You’re family and family don’t give up on family no matter how broken they think they are. Time and love can fix anything, Ezra. Nathan loves you. Got a real dumb way of showing it sometimes, but he does. We all love you and we ain’t letting you go."
Buck, Chris and Josiah stepped forward into Ezra’s line of sight, nodding their heads in agreement.
"We’re not running out on you, Ezra," Chris said.
Ezra looked around at them, seeing the truth in their faces. He had been accepted into this odd little family. He would never be alone again. For once the verbose gambler was at a loss for words, so he turned to the one person that meant the most to him. "Nathan?"
Nathan quickly took him in his arms, Vin willingly giving up his hold. "I’ve got you, Ezra. I’m right here. I’ll give you anything you need."
"Love me?"
"Always and beyond, you stubborn Southern fool." Nathan held Ezra close as he sobbed, gently rocking him, unmindful of the tears coursing down his own face. Soon though the sobs turned into a harsh, wracking cough. Nathan looked up at the others who’d gathered closer in concern. "I need to get him back to town. He’s burning up with fever, and those wounds need to be tended."
"I’ll take him for you, Brother," Josiah said, stepping forward, then understanding the sudden look on the healer’s face, he said, "Just until you’re on your horse."
Nathan nodded letting the gentle giant lift the smaller man from his arms. As Nathan quickly mounted, Josiah held Ezra close and whispered in his ear, "Don’t worry, son. Everything’s going to work out just fine. I’ll see to that."
Then he was lifting him up to Nathan. Once Buck, JD and Josiah were mounted they noticed Chris hadn’t yet and had grabbed Vin’s arm preventing him as well. Chris nodded to them. "You boys go on. We’ll catch up."
The others nodded and took off, leaving Vin to glare at Chris. "What?"
"Something you want to tell me?"
"No."
"Ezra seemed to think you did."
"He was fevered."
"Man usually speaks the truth when he’s fevered. Why didn’t you tell me you had feelings for me?"
Vin looked away, desperately trying to find a way out that would still leave his friendship with the black-clad man intact. "Supposin’ I did have feelin’s for ya? It don’t matter none. You’re with Mary, and I’d never do anythin’ ta come between ya."
"What if I’m not courting Mary?"
"But ya are, so it don’t matter."
"Vin-"
"Jes’ let it be, Chris. Jes’ let things be the way they are."
"No," Chris said turning Vin to face him, making sure the tracker could see the desire, the want, and the love plain on his face. "Mary and I stopped courting over two months ago. We both agreed we didn’t love each other. She even told me I was in love with someone else but didn’t want to admit it to myself. She was right, Vin. I’m in love with you. I’ve just been trying to figure out how to tell you without you pulling that mare’s leg on me. I love you, Vin."
Before Vin could reply, Chris pulled him close, one hand moving up to cup the back of Vin’s head to prevent him from leaving. He brought his lips down over Vin’s in a hard kiss. When Vin gasped in surprise, he slipped his tongue into that warm, moist cavern tasting, plundering its sweetness. Vin grasped Chris’s biceps, uncertain if he was trying to push him away or pull him closer. When Chris pressed his hard bulge against him, he gave up any thoughts of trying to escape. He groaned deep in his chest, grinding his hips against Chris.
After a long moment, Chris pulled away, his breathing ragged, and rested his forehead against Vin’s. He couldn’t believe he was finally holding the man he loved in his arms.
Vin gulped in some much needed air, his eyes closed, enjoying the feel of Chris’s breath fanning his cheek with each exhalation. After a moment, he opened his eyes to find a pair of pale green ones only inches away. He smiled up at the man who’d stolen his heart so long ago. "I love ya so much, Chris."
"I know, Vin. Damn shame it took us so long to get here."
"Too long."
"Definitely, cowboy." Chris held onto him for another minute before pulling away completely. "We better head back to town. Have to make sure we’re not the only ones with a happy ending."
Vin nodded, suddenly wanting to get back to his friend to make sure he would be all right, but first he needed to be sure of something. "Chris? You know that...me an’ Ez...uh, ya know we’re...we’re jes’ friends, right?"
"I know, Vin, and I understand," Chris smiled cupping Vin’s cheek with one hand. "I’ve had a relationship like that myself. There’s no fault in it. Without it, I don’t think any of us would have been able to get to know Ezra."
"He was a bit wary of you all. Couldn’t quite grasp that ya really wanted ta be his friends. ‘Spite what he wants ya ta think, he ain’t never had it easy," Vin said, gathering up Chaucer’s reins then swinging back up onto Peso. He missed Chris’s whispered words.
"Neither have you, Vin. Neither have you."
The ride back to town was quiet as they each pondered the new path their lives were taking. The horses were stabled, a quick kiss stolen in Chaucer’s stall before they headed to the clinic. They found Buck and JD outside. Buck was sitting on the bench while JD sat on the floor, his knees pulled up to his chin and his head resting against Buck’s knee as he slept. Every so often Buck would gently smooth the tousled black hair in an unconscious gesture of affection and protectiveness.
Buck looked up at their approach and smiled seeing the way they stood close together. "You boys get yourselves squared away?"
Chris looked over at Vin who ducked his head blushing. "Yeah, I’d say we did. Any word yet?"
Vin took a couple of steps toward the clinic before Chris stopped him. "You’ll only be in their way, Vin. Let Nathan do his work. You know he’ll take good care of him."
He nodded allowing himself to be led over to the wall where Chris took a seat on the floor then pulled Vin down beside him. Taking off his hat, Vin rested his head on Chris’s shoulder, praying Ezra made it through this obstacle. He couldn’t bear the thought of finally being with Chris only to lose Ezra.
Considering the lateness of the hour and how emotional the day had been, Chris wasn’t surprised when Vin soon fell asleep. He shared a smile with Buck, his oldest friend.
"How you doing, pard?" Buck spoke quietly.
"Not bad, Buck. I’m happy Vin and I have finally talked but..."
"But we might still lose Ezra. I know what you mean. Ezra though, he’s one stubborn cuss and he’s got Nathan, who's just as stubborn, working on him. Besides, with that silver-tongue of his, I’m sure Ez’ll have ol’ St. Peter conned into giving him more time on God’s green earth faster’n you can say lickety-split."
Chris grinned remembering why it was he’d never shot Buck in the long years of their friendship. The man was an eternal optimist. Didn’t mean he wasn’t practical or that he couldn’t see the bad. Buck just preferred to face life head-on with a smile, a fact that had helped Chris through those dark months following the deaths of his wife and son. He hugged Vin a little tighter, praying they weren’t about to lose a brother.
It was well after midnight when the door to the clinic finally opened. Buck and Chris immediately nudged Vin and JD awake. They were surprised when Josiah appeared instead of Nathan. He held up his hands when he saw they were about to start talking all at once.
"He’s alive, brothers, but he’s very ill. He ripped a good portion of his stitches, added some scrapes and bruises, dislocated his shoulder again, and is fighting a high fever. Nathan doesn’t know if it’s from an infection in his wounds, or if it’s from being exposed to the cold air in nothing but pants and a jacket. Probably both. All we can do now is wait. Nathan suggested we might as well try and get some rest. He doesn’t expect him to wake up any time before morning."
Vin looked between Chris and the door, torn between his former lover and his love. With a smile, Chris nodded. "Go, Vin. I’ll be waiting."
"Thank you." He pressed a swift, chaste kiss to Chris’s lips before hurrying into the clinic. JD took a step forward then looked from Josiah to Chris to Buck and back to Josiah before asking, "Can...would it be all right if we looked in on him? I won’t stay long. I promise."
"It’s all right, son," Josiah rumbled, trying not to smile. "I’m sure Ezra’ll appreciate it that you looked in on him. Go on in."
Josiah followed the three men back inside. Vin was in the chair by the foot of the bed, while Nathan sat by Ezra’s side gently bathing his face and neck with wet cloths. Ezra’s face was pale in the low light of the lantern, and they could see the fine tremors of fever that wracked the compact body. They each stepped up to the end of the bed to gently squeeze his blanket-covered foot, letting him know they were there. Not a word was said as the four filed out of the room leaving two to watch over their seventh.
They stopped at the saloon to check in on Inez as she closed up. Things had been quiet after they left. Josiah headed to the church, and Buck and JD went to the boarding house. Chris sat in a chair on the saloon porch, watching over the sleeping town.
In the church, Josiah knelt to pray at the altar. He dropped to his knees as if the weight of the world rested on his shoulders. He folded his hands in supplication taking a deep breath before speaking. His voice rumbled with the strength of the emotion he felt. "Dear Lord, I’m praying to you because our lives, our happiness, rests in your hands. I know that you see fit to let us make our own way through life but, Lord, I’ve got to ask you to step in here. Not just for myself, though losing Ezra would be like losing a son from my own flesh I’m sure, but for the others as well. I look on them all as my sons, Lord, you know that, and I’m sure that if we lose Ezra, I’ll lose all my sons to grief and guilt. You love the irony in that, don’t you, Lord? That the death of the brother we found it hardest to trust will tear our family apart. You know it will happen, don’t you? We’ll lose Nathan to heartache and the guilt that he caused Ezra’s illness and that he didn’t know enough to save him. Vin will withdraw from us until there’s nothing left. There’s another irony, isn’t it? Vin gains Chris but loses Ezra and, in trying to ease Vin’s guilt, Chris will only make it worse. The man has already lost so much. His wife and child already. If you take Ezra and Vin from him, he’ll surely die. Buck will tear himself apart trying to keep everyone else together while ignoring his own grief. And JD...JD's a hardy young soul, Lord, but I don’t know that he can survive the loss of his brothers. Not like this. Not to such grief and guilt. Please, Lord, let us hold onto Ezra just a little longer? Let us stay a family for a while. Please, Lord."
Rising to his feet, he blew out the candle before laying down on his bedroll. He lay there staring up at the ceiling until he finally drifted into a mercifully dreamless sleep.
Buck had just stripped down to his long johns, alone for once, when there was a tentative knock on his door. He wasn’t surprised to find JD on the other side. Without a word, he opened his arms to the young man who quickly stepped into them. Buck closed the door giving them privacy as he held his "little brother" tight. He murmured gentle reassurances as he felt him begin to shake. With some slight maneuvering, he got them onto the bed and pulled the blankets up to cover them. It wasn’t the first time JD had sought him out for comfort when one of the others was badly injured, and he doubted it would be the last time.
"I’m sorry I’m such a baby, Buck," JD finally sniffed, wiping at the tears on his face.
"Shush, son, you ain’t no baby. You’re a young man facing the idea that he may be about to lose a good portion of his family. Hell, JD, I’m scared spitless at the thought of what’ll happen if Ezra don’t make it. We’ll all be in a world of hurtin’."
"Yeah, but none of the others are blubberin’ like a baby."
"JD, son, listen to me. Everyone deals with their emotions in different ways. Folks have different ways of expressing ’em. Just 'cause you tend to wear yours closer to the surface don’t mean there’s anything wrong in it. Most days I prefer that to Chris and his damn surly moods. Christ, I hope Vin gets him ta calm down some. And look at Ezra and the way he buries everythin’. Not letting us know something’s wrong until it’s almost too late. That ain’t healthy either. No, JD, ain’t nothing wrong with the way you show your emotions. ‘Sides, it’s not like you go off caterwauling at every little thing that upsets ya. You're doin’ just fine."
Several minutes passed in silence and Buck began to drift off thinking JD had fallen asleep.
"Buck?"
"Yeah, son?"
"How.… Why would Ezra want to kill himself? Doesn’t he know that we’ll always be here for him?"
"That’s a tough question, JD. I’m not Ezra so I can’t tell you what he was thinking. I do know that he’s a proud man, and he’s been taught since he was little to not let others see what he’s feeling. Imagine yourself in Ezra’s shoes. You’re in love with a man who seems to spend a lot of time pointing out everything you do wrong and the error of your ways. Now you know you ain’t perfect, but it still hurts 'cause you love this man more than anything, even if he don’t know it. So there you are hurting 'cause of what the man is saying to you, hurting 'cause you love this man but can’t tell him, and hurting 'cause you’re holding it all inside so no one can see you’re hurting. Then you got a life threatenin’ injury you’re only just recoverin’ from and some dumb fool givin' you whiskey which mixes in with all those medicines you’re being fed. You find out that the man you love loves you back, only then he finds out you been with somebody else so he turns his back on you in a hateful way. I figure Ezra’s emotions are flyin’ about all over the place, and he just wanted the pain to stop. Just wanted everything to be better."
"Things will be better. I’ll make sure Ezra knows he ain’t alone no more, and he don’t have to hide his feelings from us."
"You do that, JD. Just make sure you give him some space when he needs it. It’ll take a little time before everything’s the way it should be, and you know how he is when he’s recoverin’ from being sick or wounded. Lucky him, he’s both right now."
"I will, Buck. I promise."
"I know you will, son. I know." Buck gently petted JD’s head where it rested on his shoulder. This was one of those times when he truly wished he could meet JD’s mother so he could thank her for raising such a caring young man. He was a mix of man and boy struggling to prove himself in a harsh world that didn’t forgive mistakes. He was strong and brave with the bit of innocence that made Buck wish he still had it. If he ever had a son, JD was the embodiment of what he would want him to be. With that final thought, Buck fell asleep, a wistful smile on his face.
Three days passed in which Ezra remained unconscious, his body trying to fight off the fever that had taken hold of him. One of the bullet wounds had become infected again, and he developed a chest cold. It was just past dusk of the fourth day, and Josiah sat by Ezra’s side. Vin had finally fallen asleep on a bedroll in the corner now that Ezra’s fever had finally broken. Nathan had been "kidnapped" by the others on his way back from the outhouse fifteen minutes ago. They intended to get him to eat something.
They’d all been in here at one point or another to watch over their brother. His illness had taken its toll on all of them. Even the town seemed subdued, unwilling to make trouble for the peacekeepers as they held vigil. Although earlier that day, one drunken cowboy had tried to make trouble in the saloon. That cowboy was surprised when JD gave him a sound whupping and none of them stopped him. JD hadn’t given him more than a few scrapes and bruises, but from the way he’d been yelling, a person might've thought the boy was killing him.
Josiah smiled remembering the look of disgust the trail boss had given his men when he’d come thundering into town only to find out that the only one of them to touch the cowboy had been JD. He’d thought the man was going to shoot his men right there. A low moan brought him from his musings. He placed a gentle hand on Ezra’s brow checking for fever. There was none. Tired green eyes blinked a couple of times before remaining open and focusing on him.
"’Siah?"
"I’m right here, son. Here, drink some water. It’s only water, I promise." Josiah carefully supported Ezra’s head while he sipped from the cup. After a moment he pulled away, not wanting anymore. From his reclining position and the encroaching darkness, Ezra couldn’t see much past Josiah and the lamplight. Josiah understood what he was looking for.
"Vin finally fell asleep earlier on a bedroll in the corner. Chris, Buck and JD kidnapped Nathan to the saloon to get him to eat something. First bit of rest they’ve gotten in four days."
Ezra looked at him sharply. "Four days?" His voice was still little more than a weak rasp.
"Yep. Four days since you rode off giving us the scare of a lifetime." Josiah paused, looking down at his folded hands for a moment before raising his gaze to meet Ezra’s. "Son, I know things haven’t been easy for you, and I can’t promise you that things are always going to work out the way you want them to. Suspect you’d call me a liar if I did."
Ezra smiled at Josiah’s weak joke, nodding his head to indicate he understood.
"Things won’t always be easy, but I will always be here for you. We all will. You’ve gone and gotten yourself six shadows whether you like it or not, at least for the next few weeks. I’m sure you’ll lose Buck the first time a pretty woman walks by. What I’m trying to say though, Ezra." He stopped when Ezra grasped his hands.
"It’s all right, Josiah. I understand. If I need to talk, I will seek you out."
"Good, and it doesn’t have to be just when you need to. It can be when you want to as well. My door is always open to you."
"Thank you, Josiah."
"No need to thank me, Ezra. It's what families do."
Ezra frowned looking away for a moment. "I’ve not had much experience with families. Very few of the ones Mother left me with wanted me around. I’m…I find myself uncertain on how to proceed in these uncharted waters."
Josiah chuckled. "Don’t worry, son. Not one of us has a map either. We’ll muddle through it together."
There was a rustling in the corner, then Vin’s raspy drawl, "Josiah? Who ya…You’re awake, Ezra."
Vin quickly slipped onto the chair that Josiah vacated. Without thinking, Vin put his hand to Ezra’s brow to check for fever. He chuckled when Ezra batted it away. "How ya doin’, pard?"
"I’m fine, Vin."
"Uh huh. Yeah, you look fine for a fella that near died four days ago an’s been fevered since. I swear, Ez, you ever pull a stunt like that, and I’ll shoot you myself. Scairt the hell outta me."
"I’m sorry, Vin. I…I just wanted the pain to go away. I had to get away. I couldn’t stay here knowing that he hated me."
"I don’t hate you, Ezra." Once again, neither had heard the healer come in, nor had they noticed Josiah leave to go get him. Vin nodded to Nathan before turning back to Ezra who'd suddenly found his blanket very interesting. He clasped the Southerner’s hand, getting his attention. "I’m gonna go now 'cause ya need ta talk to each other, all right?"
He waited for Ezra’s nod before rising to his feet, still holding his hand. "Things’ll be fine, Ez. Jes’ remember, I’ll always be there when ya need me. I’ll talk to ya later." Vin squeezed his hand then turned to go.
"Thank you, Vin."
"You’re welcome, Ez." Vin paused next to Nathan. "You take good care of him, Doc."
"I will, Vin, I promise." Nathan smiled as the tracker nodded and opened the door. "He’s waiting on you at the saloon."
Vin smiled closing the door behind him. Satisfied that they would mend things between them, he headed to the livery. It was time he and Chris worked on their own happy ending.
A few minutes later, Vin stepped up to the doors of the saloon, but didn’t go in. He just swept his gaze over the small crowd until he found the man he was looking for. Sky blue eyes locked with pale green eyes. A brief nod of the head and Vin stepped back from the door. He mounted Peso and waited patiently. He was not to be disappointed. A moment later, a tall figure dressed all in black appeared from the saloon. He took in the sight of Vin already mounted and waiting before mounting his own black gelding. No words were spoken as Vin led them from town.
Finally a mile out, Chris asked, "So where we heading, cowboy?"
Vin looked over at Chris and smiled. "Fella' I know owns a shack just up the road a piece. Think he’ll mind if we borrow it?"
Chris grinned back. "Nope. Don’t think he’ll mind at all."
Nathan sat in the empty chair, one hand automatically going to Ezra’s brow to check for fever.
"Why must everyone do that?" Ezra complained, a hint of amusement in his voice.
"Because you never tell anyone how you are, if you’re sick. We care about you, Ezra." Nathan sighed when he saw the poker face go up. "Please don’t shut me out, Ezra. Tell me what you’re thinking, what you’re feeling?"
Ezra stayed quiet for a long moment as he studied Nathan’s face, the face of the man he loved so much, the one who could so easily destroy him. "I am tired and my leg hurts a little, but what hurts most of all is my heart. Nathan, I love you more than anything but if you don’t trust me…."
"I do trust you, Ezra. It’s just when I saw you with Vin and heard…."
"You thought I was cheating on you already. You don’t trust me."
"No, Ezra, that’s not what it was exactly. When I saw you two and realized you’d been together, a lot of my own fears rushed to the surface. I was afraid that I wasn’t good enough for you. Wasn’t white enough for you. I’m a black man, and you’re a white Southern gentleman. What on earth would you want me for? And I saw the way he made you smile, and all I’ve ever done is hurt you. So, yeah, I was angry and jealous. Part of me figured you should have been just as miserable as I’ve been all this time. I was all set to hate you because of my fears."
"But?"
"But I never stopped to consider your fears. Not until Vin decided to set me straight on a few things. Like just because you’re with somebody, it don’t mean you’re happy, ‘specially if it’s not the somebody you want. God, Ezra, I am so sorry for what I’ve done to you. All this time, I’ve been telling you to change your ways, and you weren’t really the who needed to change. I’m sorry, Ezra, and I’ll understand if you can’t forgive me." Nathan bowed his head, unable to bear the thought of seeing rejection in Ezra’s eyes. He was surprised when he felt a gentle hand on his head. Looking up, he was caught by the tender love and forgiveness he saw there. With a wordless cry, he gathered the Southerner into his arms in a tight hug. If he had his way, he would never let go, but reality quickly intruded.
"Um, Nathan, I love you and I’d love to stay this way but…owwww."
"Oh, Ezra, your leg. I’m so sor-"
"You say you’re sorry one more time, love, and I may be forced to hurt you."
"All right then," Nathan said as he gently lowered Ezra back onto the bed, before rising to get a cup of tea. "I apologize."
"I do believe I’m rubbing off on you, Mr. Jackson," Ezra laughed.
Nathan shook his head with a smile. "Drink this. It’ll make you sleepy, but it’ll help ease the pain in your leg."
"I’ll drink that on one condition," Ezra said looking from the mug to his beloved’s face. Nathan raised an eyebrow in question. "You hold me until I fall asleep."
At that moment in time, Nathan was quite sure his heart had turned into a puddle of mush. A tender smile on his lips, Nathan gazed at this man he loved so much. "Always, Ezra. Always."
He helped support Ezra’s head as he sipped from the mug. Once satisfied that he’d drunk enough, Nathan put the mug aside then carefully joined the Southerner in the bed. Ezra snuggled up against him, resting his cheek on Nathan’s chest. He drifted to sleep, the last two things he was aware of were Nathan’s fingers brushing through his hair and a sense of peace swelling his heart.